The Psychology Behind the Set-Up

What is it about our strange culture that seems to thrive on setting-up our single friends?  It seems that if there's is a non-committed acquaintance within sight, our first thought is to find a match for them.  I'm happily married, and the best part of how I met my dear, sweet wife is something that I'm proud of:  I did it by myself - no set-ups, no connections, no middle-men.  It was actually three or four dates in before we realized that we had a few friends in common.
That's not to say that I've never been on a blind date.  Most of us have - and for those of us who haven't, you're not missing much.  I have a few issues with blind-dating:

• Anytime you're being set-up with another person, they're either doing you a favor, or you are the favor.  Which one is it?  Chances are, unless the setter-upper is your best friend, or your aunt, YOU are most likely the favor, NOT the favored.  This might sound harsh, but I'm just saying it - everyone who has been on a blind date has thought about it.  A close friend, who had recently been on an unsuccessful blind date, expressed it in these words: "The lady that set us up, does she really think that little of me?!"
• Compatibility (courtesy of Ryan Jones): Let's be honest here, when you are the setter-upper, it's more of a selfish endeavor than an altruistic motive.  How awesome is it going to be when you can claim that YOU were the sole reason that these two people met each other, hit it off, engaged, married, kids, career, grandkids, retirement, eternal happiness, and so on.  They're going to be so grateful to you.  And beyond that, you now have a story for every dinner party or luncheon you go to for at least 5 or 6 years.  Why wouldn't you do this???  This is the kind of motive that leads people to think, "Hey, he's a good guy, and she's a nice girl - so it's bound to work out.  I'll get started making matches right away." There's very little consideration of the fact that she is a republican rifle-range instructor from Alabama and he's a democrat psychology teacher from the north-east.  He likes cats, she likes dogs. I'm not saying that opposites don't attract, but the point is, there is usually very little consideration as to the compatibility of the two victims, but rather to the glory that the match-maker is going to reap.
• The date itself is usually an awkward train wreck that is getting the count-down from at least one, if not both parties.  In the words of Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn): "You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that @---out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your @-- sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions?"
• The follow-up is also rough.  What happens if it's a terrible time, and then you see the setter-upper at church on Sunday?  What if the setter-upper is family?  Now you're going to have to spend the next few weeks coming up with new excuses about why you haven't been out with the blind date again.  Basically, unless you end up marrying this person, you're going to have to disappoint someone who has voluntarily stuck their nose in your dating life.

Having said all of this (and me being on the other side of it all), I admit to being fully and completely guilty.  I have a younger brother who is still single (Blake Jenkins - ladies, you can Facebook him), and I feel like it's my responsibility, nay, my duty to make sure that he is happily involved with someone.  The great irony is that I can justify this because 'I'm concerned about his happiness' and 'I want to make sure that my future-sister-in-law is cool'.  And true to blind-dating form, anytime I can successfully connect Blake with someone, I follow-up ruthlessly until the spark has either blossomed (which it clearly hasn't yet), or until it has died.  
As rough as this sounds though, we all know that it's nothing compared to being single and having sisters and a mother (which most of us have).  So at the end of the day, if you're still single, you'd better buckle up - it's the easiest way out.  Just sit back and hope that you're the favored, not the favor.

Special thanks to Ryan Jones and Vince Vaughn.

BWJ

LinkedIn Part III - Learning | BWJ

I have a few final thoughts for getting the most out of LinkedIn.  Afterward, I'll briefly wrap-up the keys to success from Parts 1, 2 and 3.  Here are some 'big-picture' points that we can't forget (for the full LinkedIn advice page, click HERE):

• Become familiar with and use APPLICATIONS - These tools are a great way to show a little personality, as well as share some truly useful information about yourself.  There are many applications that LinkedIn allows you to use - I would suggest applying at least a couple of them (I currently have 'Reading List' (by Amazon), 'Polls' and 'Events').  By doing this, you're adding some spice to your profile, but you're also showing your connections that you know what you're doing.  It adds a comprehensive touch for anyone visiting you profile.
• Periodically post a short-link going to your LinkedIn profile to your Facebook, Twitter or Google+ accounts - Don't be afraid to share yourself and invite others to come join the party.  It's good to let your friends, co-workers and acquaintances know that you're active on another social network, and you're trying to make it a success.  Who knows what other connections this could lead to... (especially on Twitter - but that's for another day).
• Be active in making appropriate Introductions - This shows that you're able to not only maintain a network, but to use it.  Remember that your network isn't just for you, it's for everybody in your network.  By introducing others who may benefit from the connection, they'll remember this favor in the future.  I view this as the same principle as writing someone a positive, honest recommendation - it will always come back to you in one way or another.
• No dead profiles!  This is so easy to do on LinkedIn - set it up and then let it sit.... and sit..... and sit.  That adds zero value to you and everyone that you've connected with.  There's a better way:  I will be the first to admit that Facebook or Twitter can be extremely 'fun' and addicting.  Because of that, my personal rule of thumb is that every time I check my Facebook or Twitter, I also check my LinkedIn profile (which means I check it at least once per day).  Staying active has paid off in major ways.  Take the 7-day challenge:  Check it at least once-a-day for 7 days and see how it pays off for you.

This is all I want to cover at this point, so I'll make another quick wrap-up of Parts 1, 2 and 3:

• Use a LinkedIn profile picture
• Make sure that your profile is "100% Completed"
• Add a complete list of employers and positions
• Connections matter
• Use a catchy, accurate headline
• Update, Update, Update
• Join and ENGAGE in different groups
• Edit your LinkedIn URL
• Make your entire profile "Public to Everyone"
• Display recommendations on your profile
• Upload contacts from Outlook, Gmail, Yahoo!, etc.
• Add a "View My Profile on LinkedIn" to email signatures
• Become familiar with and use Applications
• Post shortlinks to your profile on other networks
• Be active in making introductions
• No DEAD PROFILES!

That will wrap us up on our LinkedIn segment.  Remember that everything here is different than your other social networks - this is the professional world.  Always make sure that your actions are appropriate and consider who will be seeing it/ what they will think because of it.

I hope that this has been helpful - feel free to make the connection on LinkedIn, or leave comments here for future posts.

Cheers!

BWJ

LinkedIn Part II - Learning | BWJ

Many people are starting to get the hint: LinkedIn isn't just for finding a job.  LinkedIn is great for nurturing every part of your career and professional life.  Without further ado, here are the next six keys to success on the most potent professional network on earth (for the full LinkedIn experience, click HERE):

• Join and ENGAGE in different groups - Every time you join (or are accepted) into a group, you're immediately exposed to hundreds and thousands of powerful connections that have the same interests and concerns that you do.  Isn't this a no-brainer?  At LearnALanguage.com, my co-workers and I have the goal of joining relevant groups, paying attention, and engaging on at least a weekly basis, if not daily.  Isn't that what we do naturally?  Seek out those who have common goals, concerns, issues and circumstances and get their help (or offer yours) to the mutual benefit of both parties.  Join groups.
• Edit your LinkedIn URL - Without changing it manually, your LinkedIn URL will look something like this:  http://www.linkedin.com/pub/edward-pulz/24/aba/970.  Here's how to fix it: 
• Go to Edit and then click on the small edit next to your URL (under your picture).
• In the "Your public profile URL" box on the lower-right, click the "Customize your public profile URL" link.
• Type the last part of your new custom URL in the text box.
• Click Set Custom URL.
• Now it should look something like this: www.linkedin.com/in/bwjenkins   - Nice and clean.  (I've heard whisperings of this improving your LinkedIn 'SEO' - though I can't confirm that as 100% accurate).  
• Make your entire profile "Public to Everyone" - If you're on LinkedIn, but you don't want anyone to view your profile...... then this blog post has nothing to offer you.  Isn't that the point, connect and collaborate...?  The only feasible reason the block viewers is either A- you're too popular (if you're the CEO of Apple) or B- you're an HR recruiter.  If you are not one of these two, let everyone see your potential and open yourself to the maximum number of future opportunities.
• Display recommendations on your profile - (HINT: you have to give sincere recommendations before you can expect to receive recommendations).  This is key.  Who doesn't want the chance to show all of the good things that other people are saying about you??  It's only logical to be active in making recommendations before you expect to receive them.  My best advice: Be sincere.  Don't pander to get a good word from a friend, but rather be excellent at what you're doing professionally and don't hesitate to point it out when someone else is doing a great job.
• Upload contacts from Outlook, Gmail, Yahoo, etc. (if you haven't done this already) - LinkedIn is great about holding your hand and walking you through every step to make sure that you have a great profile.  This step is simple and easy - it just makes sense.  If they're in your email contacts list, you've probably already had meaningful interactions together.  Now just make it official.  Go to Contacts on the top bar, and then select Add Connections.  
• Add a "View My Profile on LinkedIn" to your email signature (where appropriate) - This is a great way to keep an eye on personal branding without spending so much time on it.  If you're like me, you send hundreds of emails per week, so why not send a little piece of you out with it.  Editing your signature is simple (and different for each service), so I won't go over that here.  I've been doing it for 6 months and I've seen great results.  Also consider adding a custom 'badge' to your emails/ website/ blog - Go to the "Your public profile URL" as shown above to do this.  ***I'll occasionally delete that line in emails/ situations where it's not appropriate or relevant.

It turns out that I've got more to say about LinkedIn than I thought - I've got a few more keys, so if this has been helpful, stay tuned for LinkedIn Part III.  As always, I'm more than happy to help answer questions and chat about your own LinkedIn strategies and issues.  Feel free to leave comments, or find me on my favorite network.

BWJ

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LinkedIn Part I - Learning | BWJ

I've been a LinkedIn junkie for quiet some time now.  I find it the most rewarding social network to be involved with.  Want to make meaningful connections from around the world, and begin collaborating on things that matter to you?  LinkedIn is your tool.
Here is a list of keys that I've found to squeeze the most out of my LinkedIn experience (for the full LinkedIn experience, click HERE):

• Use a LinkedIn profile picture - This is professional.  Don't use your pictures from the beach, or hanging with the dog on the couch.  This shouldn't even be with the family.  Just you - make it a close-up shot while you're wearing your business suit (atleast the top half - I guess we'll never know if you're in your boxers...).  Don't leave this one blank - nothing says 'I'm not serious' or 'I'm a stalker' like a blank, generic profile picture.
• Make sure that your profile is "100% Completed" - From what I understand, once you've completed your profile, you'll be submitted to LinkedIn's unique search engine.  This is more difficult than completing profiles on Facebook or Twitter, but far more rewarding.  LinkedIn also has an annoying reminder until you have properly finished your profile.  Just do it.
• Add a complete list of employers and positions - It just makes sense; the more people/ jobs that you're affiliated with, the more people that you're going to connect with.  It will also give you a higher priority and more keywords for the search engine to work with.  (*Have at least two past positions).
• Connections Matter - The more people that you're connected to, the more connections you're exposed to, and the bigger your network grows - always a good thing.  LinkedIn gives you statistics on how many connections you have, how many people are one connection away, two connections away, and so on.  This is important!  Set a goal for how many meaningful connections you want to make.
• Use a catchy, accurate headline - Make sure that you're using your industry-related, desired keywords in everything that you do.  Having said that, make sure that your headline and summary aren't BORING.  Feel free to spice it up (and don't forget your keywords).  Honestly, how many people are "marketing professionals"?  This is a great opportunity to show connections that you have a personality, and that you are genuinely interested in being successful.  (*Write your summary in third-person format).
• Update, Update, Update... - What else can I say?  People who create LinkedIn profiles simply to find a job make themselves very obvious.  Your network is something that you nurture until the time comes that you're ready to reap the benefits.  Summary, Specialties, Experience and so on are ALL sections that need to be updated regularly.  Don't be that guy/ gal who hasn't touched his/her profile in months.  At my job (LearnALanguage.com) we all have the goal of spending 30 minutes/week improving and updating our profiles.

I hope that this has been helpful.  This is Part I of at least two parts.  We will get into some nitty-gritty details on Part II.  I'd love to hear your feedback.  

In the meantime, feel free to check out my LinkedIn profile here: Brent Jenkins on LinkedIn

BWJ