The Psychology Behind the Set-Up

What is it about our strange culture that seems to thrive on setting-up our single friends?  It seems that if there's is a non-committed acquaintance within sight, our first thought is to find a match for them.  I'm happily married, and the best part of how I met my dear, sweet wife is something that I'm proud of:  I did it by myself - no set-ups, no connections, no middle-men.  It was actually three or four dates in before we realized that we had a few friends in common.
That's not to say that I've never been on a blind date.  Most of us have - and for those of us who haven't, you're not missing much.  I have a few issues with blind-dating:

• Anytime you're being set-up with another person, they're either doing you a favor, or you are the favor.  Which one is it?  Chances are, unless the setter-upper is your best friend, or your aunt, YOU are most likely the favor, NOT the favored.  This might sound harsh, but I'm just saying it - everyone who has been on a blind date has thought about it.  A close friend, who had recently been on an unsuccessful blind date, expressed it in these words: "The lady that set us up, does she really think that little of me?!"
• Compatibility (courtesy of Ryan Jones): Let's be honest here, when you are the setter-upper, it's more of a selfish endeavor than an altruistic motive.  How awesome is it going to be when you can claim that YOU were the sole reason that these two people met each other, hit it off, engaged, married, kids, career, grandkids, retirement, eternal happiness, and so on.  They're going to be so grateful to you.  And beyond that, you now have a story for every dinner party or luncheon you go to for at least 5 or 6 years.  Why wouldn't you do this???  This is the kind of motive that leads people to think, "Hey, he's a good guy, and she's a nice girl - so it's bound to work out.  I'll get started making matches right away." There's very little consideration of the fact that she is a republican rifle-range instructor from Alabama and he's a democrat psychology teacher from the north-east.  He likes cats, she likes dogs. I'm not saying that opposites don't attract, but the point is, there is usually very little consideration as to the compatibility of the two victims, but rather to the glory that the match-maker is going to reap.
• The date itself is usually an awkward train wreck that is getting the count-down from at least one, if not both parties.  In the words of Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn): "You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that @---out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your @-- sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions?"
• The follow-up is also rough.  What happens if it's a terrible time, and then you see the setter-upper at church on Sunday?  What if the setter-upper is family?  Now you're going to have to spend the next few weeks coming up with new excuses about why you haven't been out with the blind date again.  Basically, unless you end up marrying this person, you're going to have to disappoint someone who has voluntarily stuck their nose in your dating life.

Having said all of this (and me being on the other side of it all), I admit to being fully and completely guilty.  I have a younger brother who is still single (Blake Jenkins - ladies, you can Facebook him), and I feel like it's my responsibility, nay, my duty to make sure that he is happily involved with someone.  The great irony is that I can justify this because 'I'm concerned about his happiness' and 'I want to make sure that my future-sister-in-law is cool'.  And true to blind-dating form, anytime I can successfully connect Blake with someone, I follow-up ruthlessly until the spark has either blossomed (which it clearly hasn't yet), or until it has died.  
As rough as this sounds though, we all know that it's nothing compared to being single and having sisters and a mother (which most of us have).  So at the end of the day, if you're still single, you'd better buckle up - it's the easiest way out.  Just sit back and hope that you're the favored, not the favor.

Special thanks to Ryan Jones and Vince Vaughn.

BWJ